


Ni Ceta

by ZoinksSc00b



Series: Atiniir [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Clone Trooper Culture (Star Wars), Fluff, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Suicide Attempt, Young Love, don't want to spoil
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:29:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24796975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZoinksSc00b/pseuds/ZoinksSc00b
Summary: Kix had grown to love Jesse. In their few months together, they had created something that went beyond the regulations forced upon them. However, what he and Jesse had created was far more permanent than anything the Kaminoans expected.He loved Jesse to the point he would sacrifice himself and, for some reason, the universe wanted the cadet to prove it.
Relationships: CT-5597 | Jesse/CT-6116 | Kix
Series: Atiniir [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1793929
Comments: 18
Kudos: 66
Collections: Clone Haven Ship of the Month, Kix/Jesse, TexWash's Must Reads and Rereads





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Instead of finishing the tenth chapter of Ad'ike, I wrote this.

_Kamino was known for many things._

_Kamino was known for rain._

The torrent cut like knives and left every part of him soaked. Fabric clung against his damp skin and accentuated every curve, so he didn't dare glance at himself. Instead, he looked down at the empty ocean. He wished to fill the vacancy for a brief instant before he was pulled under.

It was mesmerizing, yet the height was dizzying. His stomach swirled in unison with the destructive waves as they bashed together. He closed his eyes against the sting of water as he urged nausea down and his hands drifted to cover his abdomen. For a moment, his heart beating against his palm was all he could sense. The pulse brought him down. It took him out of the high of dying and granted him time for reflection.

There was the underlying fear he would survive the fall. The fear of crying out for forgiveness, but no one coming because no one cared enough to save him. Would he even be able to stay afloat if every bone in his body was broken? He didn't want his last seconds to be full of agonizing realization and regret: trapped in a shell sinking further into an endless abyss. Hopefully, it would go correctly with him dying upon impact. No time to regret what he had done. No time to think of what could've been. There would only be release from the shackles of his existence.

Whether he liked it or not this was his only option.

_Kamino was known for cloning._

He was a cog in an ever-growing machine and his removal wouldn't dent its operation. A trainer had once preached to him over how he and his vode were simply flesh droids. There was no reason for medics, but fuck if he cared. He was getting paid generously by the kaminiise to teach beskar'ade about medical nonsense.

You were built for combat, yet you are inadequate in your purpose. You have no right to learn the way of his people. You'll never be a good droid let alone a Mando'ad.

With a sickening chuckle, the trainer had stared him down and made a statement that would stay with him for the rest of his life: a good droid was a dead droid.

He wasn't a _droid_ , but the man had been right in his implication. It wasn't like anyone would miss him. Casualties weren't anything new to his vode. Suicides, decommissionings, and accidents were another part of the daily routine. His batchmates would move on as they had for the ones long gone and-

It was funny how the rain leaked from his eyes. It was funny how salt stained his lips and stuck to his cheeks. It was funny how the downpour had become indistinguishable from his own tears and how his body shuddered from the cold in uncontrollable bursts.

That was all it was: the cold.

The rain.

The heartbeat.

_Kamino was known for decommissioning._

He knew the threat of decommissioning was constant for his vode. He had seen Jesse's sister. He had seen the blond ori'vod whose entire batch had been decommissioned along with one of his squad. He had seen the vod'ika with amber eyes and unsteady hands. He had seen freshly decanted twins with no clue they had another sibling. He had seen vod'ike that proved they weren't completely human seconds before they were terminated.

All mutations were undesirable until they proved useful, but there was no way to manipulate this to his advantage. He would rather march on than have the kaminiise utilize his imperfections. Besides, the decommissioning would be for two if he was found out. He hated himself for putting Jesse in this position. This was all his fault, so it was his burden to bear.

The Kaminoans looked the other way when it came to the hormonal side of their clones. Sexual relationships technically weren't supposed to happen, but the Kaminoans understood the importance.

Nonetheless, their bond had gone beyond the regulations. What he and Jesse had done was far more permanent. He loved Jesse to the point he would sacrifice himself and what they had created. Only a few months along, yet it could have destroyed them. It was astonishing how something so fragile hadn't slipped from his grasp like so many others. With everything he had done, it should have ceased to exist. He should've stopped before he got in too deep, but he couldn't bring himself to end it. There was a part of him yearning for it to flourish and grow. Therefore, death would finish off what he couldn't.

Denial racked through him as rain cascaded down his face and, Force, Jesse better move on. This couldn't be for naught. He couldn't deal with the idea of Jesse dying because of an idiot like him.

_Kamino was not known for railings._

Feet hit the ground in rapid succession, puddles splashed with every footfall, and it caused him to tense up. Shit, who was behind him? His mind raced over the possibilities and consequences. He had to act quickly because the kaminiise didn't take kindly to deserters.

The sea was tempting him. All he had to do was move, but he was cornered by his own consciousness. Why was it so fucking hard? The rain was streaming down with no sign of quitting. He wrapped his arms around his midsection as he shivered. His hands were clammy and raw against his forearms. It didn't help that he almost dropped to his knees because his body was giving out. He would die anyway if he continued to stand on the ledge. His heart pounded against the cage of his torso and he just needed to jump. He needed to get it over with.

The voice _stopped_ him.

Another lie.

A scream from the stranger behind him sliced through the rainstorm, "Kix, what are you doing?"

Ragged breath entangled him and he wanted to look so bad. He wanted to glimpse Jesse one last time with his smug face and stupid growth spurt. He wanted to collapse into his arms and tell him how sorry he was. That he was crazy for even thinking about taking his own life. He wanted to tell him why he was terrified and he wanted Jesse to tell him everything would work out.

Then he remembered what had happened the last time a situation like this had happened. He remembered hearing about a vod being ripped from his barracks, fighting against guards to reach the one person who mattered to him, and how they had seen no mercy. 

So he didn’t look back. He can't because then he'll stop. If he looked back, if he saw the pleading look in his partner's eyes, if he saw the mortification, if he saw a person who would renounce everything for him, and if he saw the arm reaching out to pull him back: they would both die. Jesse deserved more than a faulty clone and a fixed future.

"Ni ceta," he whispered to the thump of his heart.

The cold was replaced with resolve as he stood straight over the dark chasm. The rain no longer fell from the creases of his eyes as he accepted his reality. His heart continued its struggle and there was remorse in not finding a better way.

If his life couldn't be his own, his death would be.

The terrifying part was how free he felt when he stepped off.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I’ve been sitting on this one for a bit because I needed to plan for this fic and all that bullshit. I had to actually read what canon I set up in Ad'ike. Disgusting, I know.

There was an adrenaline in falling that Kix could never describe until he was meters before his death. Yet, nothing before had reached the peak of sensation as that instance did. Being shot off a wall during a simulation or a vod flipping him over their shoulder were fairly different. Each time there was a pain he had to get through in order to make another, but this time there would be no recovering. Within the bounds of morbid fascination, Kix was excited. 

This lighter than air feeling as he grasped almost instinctually at the current around him as if it could save him would be his last memory. His eyes squeezed shut because they couldn’t bear the cut of wind or the reminder of his destination. If he pretended, there was more sorrow in the howl around him than nature intended. 

The rain didn’t hurt so much when one was going in its direction, but there was still the numbing cold. It was so distant from warmth yet akin to a fire against his skin. His throat was sore, and he couldn’t discern if it was because of his breakdown prior to his decision or if he was screaming now. 

_No_ , the scream wasn’t his. 

It was coming from above him...behind him? Directions were a blur, and there was no reason to check. 

Really the only thing he cared about was the steady heartbeat inside him. It hadn't slowed down a bit as the world around did. The slow descent was outmatched by the fast pounding beat.

He didn't believe he could bear through the disappointment of his heart in death, yet there was no going back. It would have ended in failure either way.

Unless…

It wasn’t the proper time for wishful thoughts and reminiscence, but if it had never happened...

_Stop_.

Yet, he knew that if he had been a few centimeters to the side, everything would have changed. He couldn’t stop the thought, for he recognized how true it was. Only a few centimeters over while he was walking and he never would have needed to die. 

Jesse wouldn't be his then and, even if it had led to this, those months had been the happiest of his life. 

He wouldn't be _Kix_ either. Somehow, being someone else was scarier than death.

His mind nevertheless wandered to that simpler time before he had his name and Jesse. A time when he was nothing more than CT-6116: a bright cadet on the medic track with a promising future, despite how his instructor taunted him. The words were hollow, yet they carried another layer Kix never saw until he reflected. 

\------

“Nalu shouldn't have said that to you.”

The words that first broke the silence as he and his vod walked to the mess hall were expected. He had almost been waiting for the other to speak, so he wouldn't bring attention to himself and his problems. 

Nevertheless, he still sighed as if the insults hadn’t bothered him deeply and glanced over at his brother. 

He forced the words out as steadily as he could, “You know he isn't wrong, Cyto. We just need to make sure not to talk in Mando’a around him anymore.”

Yeah, that would definitely fix the problem. It wasn’t like Ekka Nalu had called him out continuously since he had joined the medic track over the most mundane and inconsequential of actions. 

Cyto believed his statement as much as he did, and Cyto chewed his lip to curb a response. The effort was appreciated because he didn’t wish to think about the incident while in the mess or any time after. However, the chewing didn’t stall him for long, for he soon blurted out, “I think you're his favorite, Six.”

Kix remembered when he was still called Six fondly. It was a faster way to say 6116 and was a nickname created out of the need for efficiency rather than his character. Six was a close relative to the name he would die with, but this was a time before that name was even a thought. It was a time where Six was at a fork in his life where he could become Kix or something entirely different. There had been jealousy in Cyto having found a name before him, yet Six was patient and also happy for his vod. 

He wasn’t as happy with what Cyto had stated. 

There was some shame in what Cyto had declared, covering his mouth for a moment after as if trying to retract the words. What was even more embarrassing for Six was that Cyto felt it to be true. 

“What? Nalu hates me,” Six rolled his eyes in disbelief at the notion. He crossed his arms and huffed, voice going up into a mocking tone before dropping back to sternness, “ _I’m too stubborn and useless to be a good medic._ He has made it clear that he loathes me.” 

Six really didn’t like how long Cyto paused to think over what to say next. His vod whispered it to him as well, not daring to have anyone hear, “No, I mean I think you're his _favorite clone_.”

Six could understand why he wouldn't want anyone to hear the accusation for both their sakes. He knew what a favorite clone was quite well, and he prayed he wasn’t Nalu’s. A favorite clone was the clone a natborn set their eyes on to be treated better or worse than the others. They were a prized toy, property, to the natborn. Usually, it was meant to groom and separate them until they were completely the natborn’s.

“Force, I hope not,” was all he could murmur out, soft and a bit scared by the possibility. 

Sadly, it would explain some looks he had gotten his way that were far too long and far too invasive for his liking. The creepy, old man had kept him after training sometimes, but Cyto would never leave his side so nothing ever happened. If his friend hadn’t stayed all those instances, he probably would have ended up bent over one of the examination tables while he received a thorough prostate exam. 

At this point, he was too distracted by this horrible realization to notice how the stale white of the hallway had transformed into the state white of the mess hall. Even if there was now the ruckus of vode all around them, he couldn’t comprehend more than the fact that his two feet were walking in a straight line at Cyto’s side. One foot after the other until he was finally stopped. 

Quite forcefully actually. 

He didn’t think the vod had intended to knock him off his feet, but it had happened as soon as Six crashed into them. Not only did he have to absorb the shock of Nalu but the shock of the blow. There was the soft sound of Cyto worrying behind him, but it was outshone by the cadet he had bumped into offering him a hand. 

He was clearly from an older batch, holding this air of confidence that Six had seen on more arrogant vode. It seemed less off-putting on him than it did the others when it was matched with the delicate curls that framed his face and an inviting smile. Not to mention the gorgeous, dark, brown eyes that just seemed so different, despite Six having seen them thousands of times before. 

Maybe...maybe he was just appreciating the good hygiene of the vod because he did smell great and Six sort of wanted to lean in to scent him. Good hygiene was very important and very rare, so Six went with that explanation. It was the only one that could possibly make sense. Especially because he definitely hadn’t blushed when the cadet pulled him up and their bodies pressed together.

The older batcher must’ve accidentally held on for too long and pulled too hard. He absolutely did not mean to elicit a quiet gasp from Six that tickled his ear and left them both surprised. Yeah…

Nevertheless, Six muttered an apology as he backed away, despite wanting to stay against the other cadet for a bit longer. His body was warm and comfortable, and the thought made Six stare a hole into his shoes. He wouldn't dare look up and embarrass himself further, but he had no choice but to glance up when he heard talking. 

“Sorry about that. I was in a hurry to get the good rations,” the cadet shyly grinned and Six forgot how to speak. 

They had come in from the direction closest to where the rations were being served, so he tried to think about that instead of how Cyto was looking at him. He could practically feel Cyto’s eyes darting from him to the other cadet, a smirk forming that made Six’s skin crawl. He couldn’t let Cyto speak first, even if that would be so much easier. 

“It's fine,” Six assured and he hadn’t really planned ahead, but his mouth kept moving, “Rations are very...important for growing teenagers especially in such a high-demand environment. The average calorie count for you is probably a little over three thousand, so it’s good that you care so much about it.”

He was semi-quoting lessons without the jargon and with the more simplified terms he had put in his notes to explain the complicated ones. It was like he wanted to embarrass himself more and, honestly, Six was unsure if that was true or not. 

Regardless, he stopped himself from getting sidetracked further, his face flushing at the sudden turn, “Sorry that I wasn't paying attention earlier when I walked into you. It’s on me, not you.”

The silence would’ve ended the conversation and they would have parted ways if Cyto hadn’t gone on to explain: “Technically, it’s my fault. I distracted him.” 

The cadet hummed in understanding, and Six hoped that Cyto would continue to carry the conversation. Six had gotten his word in, no more was needed.

“If you don't have a place to sit, you can join me and my batchmate,” the cadet offered, probably as an apology and nothing more. He probably wouldn't want to see them after, but Six didn’t know why the thought of that made him sad. Six was a tad confused when the cadet started shaking his head at himself as if _he_ was the fool, “That’s stupid. You probably already have a spot.” 

Then his face got a little red like Kix’s which made no sense. He had nothing to be ashamed of. He was ~~hot~~ older.

The offer was appreciated, but Six knew exactly what Cyto would say. Shooting down the cadet hurt Six, yet they already had-

“No, Six and I would love to,” Cyto chirped, squeezing Six’s shoulder slightly. 

Wait, what? That wasn’t what he was supposed to say. 

Regardless, it made the older batcher brighten up as he pointed at a table where no one was sitting, “Meet me up there.”

It wasn’t until the cadet had fully passed them and disappeared into the crowd, a crowd which had avoided the talking trio until they separated, that Six brought up his concern, “Cyto, we have a table already.”

They sat with batchmates and some of the other medics they trained with, and they couldn't just leave for the day. It was very clear where people were supposed to sit. Six didn’t wish to mess up anyone’s seating by moving to another spot.

“ _Come on_ , Six,” Cyto threw an arm around his shoulder as they walked to get their rations, “This is a great time to socialize, branch out, and he’s older too.” 

He said the last part with a wink and Six didn’t quite understand what he meant, so he took it at face value. There were many benefits to having an older cadet around. He could tell them when certain exercises were to happen and how to prepare before it was formally announced to them. 

Six considered it for a moment before nodding his head, “Alright. As long as you're fine with it.”

“I was the one to offer. It would be rude for me to not be okay with it.” It was a statement of fact, but it felt like a question in how Cyto phrased and toned it. There was an accusation in there somewhere. An accusation that Six had wanted this all along. 

Six was probably misinterpreting. 

Nevertheless, his nails still dug into his tray as he and Cyto walked over to meet with the older cadet. Getting the rations had been a pain and it felt like everyone’s eyes were on him, judging him. The feeling only went away when they were drawn to the spot previously mentioned because it was replaced with worry. The cadet could have been lying to them in order to get back at Six, but there was a relief when he made out the curly locks from before. 

The cadet was murmuring to his batchmate, but he waved upon noticing Cyto and Six. 

“My brother forgot to introduce himself, like a di’kut,” the batchmate playfully nudged her vod which made him blush, “He's Jesse and I’m Hedy. Slicer track.” She offered her hand to Cyto and Six respectively who both shook it in introduction. She had a higher voice than Six had expected. He had never met a sister before, let alone an XX clone, but he knew they existed. Hedy had longer hair than the rest of them, but it still only brushed the tips of her shoulders. She had hair like her brother and Cyto, so Kix wondered how long it would be straightened out.

He was broken out of pondering by Jesse, what a beautiful name that was and when he later learned it meant king he found it oddly appropriate, offhandedly stating, “Trooper track. Unique. I know.” Six softly giggled at the joke, but stopped once realizing everyone was staring at him.

“We’re medics,” Six blurted before backtracking, “Not yet but going to be.” He didn’t regret his words as much when he realized the interest of the cadet, of Jesse, was piqued. 

Cyto continued once seeing his brother was too lovestruck to, rolling his eyes before putting on a cheerful face. He slapped the back of his vod to get his attention as he spoke, “Cyto and this is Six, but, hopefully, we’ll find him a proper name soon.” 

Six had made it very clear to Cyto and anyone else who had asked that he refused to have his name be a number, and he was stubbornly holding onto that. Six was to be a nickname and nothing more. 

“It shouldn’t be too hard to find someone like you a name,” Jesse spoke without paying much attention, his eyes widening as if he wasn’t meant to say that.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Six snapped.

Jesse glanced away, hiding his blush from Six, “You seem talented and friendly and interesting.” 

“Oh...thanks,” he softened, realizing how rude they most likely thought he was. If they had wanted to see him again before, they wouldn't now. He ruined his chances. _Kark._

Cyto was going to tease him so much after this, but, for now, he would once again save him. “Well, I think it’s pretty great to meet other people with curly hair. I have to hang out with Six’s boring, straight hair all the time, and the Kaminoans wanted that to be the standard for some reason. They have no imagination.”

“They don’t. All of the interesting vode are culled,” Hedy shook her head, grinning at her brother in a teasing manner. 

Cyto and Hedy would become good friends. Kix hoped they would help Jesse after he was gone.

The two of them got lost in their own conversation over the Kaminoans and their ethics, not caring much over if they were overhead. If they were going to die, so be it. At least it would be expected. There was no preference on their end. There was a bit of anarchy in their youth that would spread into the skepticism of their adulthood. They delivered words they truly wouldn't feel until war took more vode than they could imagine. These were words that Six wouldn't understand until he was Kix. 

Six and Jesse were slower to conversation. They barely spoke really, just taking in the small speeches of their friends and putting a word in every now and then. Kix would love to say there was an instant connection between them. He wished he could say words flew between them like they had been friends for years and were just meant to be, but it was awkward. Both of them were unsure and confused. Kamino wasn’t the best place for two clones to open to each other. 

He truly believed he made a bad impression until Jesse offered to walk him back to his barracks. Cyto was doing something or another, but all Six knew was that Jesse was being pushed toward him as he was leaving. Six didn’t mind walking alone, but the company was appreciated. It held the silence of the mess hall, but it was better this time. He enjoyed the warmth of Jesse’s body next to his and how their hands would sometimes brush when they accidentally got too close. 

There were remaining whispers in his brain that Jesse would insult or beat him up for what happened earlier, but, as they stopped in front of the barracks, all Jesse did was ask if he would be free to hang out sometime. 

Six said yes and that word was really all they had spoken the entire time. It was undeniably the best thing he could’ve uttered; it changed his life for better or for worse. 

A beautiful friendship started after that day with them slowly easing into each other before Six realized what he was feeling. Cyto had claimed it was a shame it took him so long to figure it out. It seemed that everyone knew except him and Jesse. Although he did find Six’s replays of his days with Jesse hilarious. They were thorough in details and Cyto would always interrupt him with a “Yes, I was there too. I know, Six.” 

Six remained stagnant however. He didn’t dare bring it up, despite Cyto telling him that Jesse felt the same. Jesse was a part of his aliit, of his clan, but he wasn’t a vod. There was a big difference between clan and family that he didn’t believe an outsider of the Mandalorian culture would understand. Besides, the Kaminoans would never allow it. He knew some of his vode were in sexual relationships, which was the extent of what was permitted, but he wanted more than that. He wanted someone to cuddle and kiss and be with forever. 

It was something he had never really seen before. Droids weren’t supposed to love according to Nalu…

But, he wasn’t a droid and Cyto wouldn't let him abandon his feelings. 

They were still new to the whole friendship thing when it happened. Jesse and him were cuddling in the older’s pod one day and he kissed Six’s forehead and that was that. It was simple, Six chuckling into Jesse’s chest as he apologized only to be shut up by lips against his own. Cyto had been right. 

He couldn’t believe someone so perfect could love him back. He was funny and smart, despite being a bit of an idiot sometimes. Jesse was so stubborn, much like himself, and they could realy butt heads. Yet, there was nothing better than Jesse breaking into the medic track training area to see how he was doing, despite his weak and joking protests. Six loved seeing how much Nalu hated it. 

They kept their relationship on the down-low around natborns, but they couldn’t help what they did around their aliit. It was easy to see that they were a couple from how they interacted. Six practically sat on Jesse’s lap in mess now, and they were that annoying couple who made out in the showers because it was the one place without surveillance.

Like Cyto had thought, having older cadets around was useful. Hedy and Jesse warned them of various trials and simulations the Kaminaons were going to put them through such as a drugged interrogation simulation. Jesse had reassured him that it wouldn't be too bad after the interrogation was done. It was disorienting and there was a bit of a high afterward. Coming down from it was the worst part, but he knew Six could handle it. 

Six remembered how Jesse had been after the simulation and he had seemed fine if not a little tired. They had snuggled in Jesse’s pod for the rest of the day, and his boyfriend had promised to do the same for him when it was his turn. 

With those expectations in mind, Six had been disappointed. As soon as the spice kicked in, it had been the opposite of what Jesse had described. He became more aware of everything around him instead of less. Each of his senses was blown up, and he had cried until his voice was dry and hoarse because of how overwhelming it was. There was the urge to claw off his skin because it didn’t feel like it fit his body anymore. He barely processed what his mock interrogator was saying, making them pissed. 

All he knew was he was in a chair and then he wasn’t. He was laying sore on the ground, blood in his mouth and arms holding him down as they blinded him with a light. Six was too numb to be scared for the nonexistent brothers who would die if he didn’t give any information. 

He never broke because he had nothing to give. All the trainer got was gasps and screams. He was a shell, so the Kaminaons patted him on the back and said he did an exemplary job compared to that of his vode. 

Even hours after the simulation had ended, he still hadn’t come down and it hurt so much. He didn’t understand how anyone could like spice at all. He could still feel the cold metal of the chair pressing against his back as he shivered against Jesse, barely seeing and barely lucid. There had been lessons over drugs during his time in the track, so he knew people reacted differently to spice but he never imagined it would be him. 

What made someone relax, made him anxious and lost and terrified. 

The only good part of it was how it felt when Jesse wrapped his arms around him, muttering sweet nothings and telling him it would be over soon. Cyto had to practically carry him to Jesse with how out of it he was. He didn’t even notice how far he had gravitated towards Jesse’s touch. Going further and further in his lap, their lips met like so many times before except Six wanted more. 

There was a heat inside of him that had been forming since the simulation began, hurting him and making him whimper into Jesse’s mouth. The lack of _something_ was driving him insane. He didn’t know what compelled him to move his hands down Jesse’s pants, probably one of those weird holo pornos one of his older vode had stolen, but the movement had invoked a moan from his boyfriend that he quite enjoyed. 

“ _Six_ ,” Jesse breathed out as he pulled away, backing up against the wall of his pod. Six loved the way his nickname sounded on his lips.

“First time for everything,” Six erased the distance between him and Jesse, eyes wanting, “I need you, Jess’ika. Cyar’ika. I’ll be good for you.”

That’s what they said on the porno. He didn't know what was appropriate to say in real life. What he had laughed at for being terrible acting then, seemed perfect now. 

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

That took him out of it for a second, bringing back the anxiety of before as he teared up, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked that. Our first time should be more special than this. I can wait. Can we continue like before? Forget what I said.” 

And Six could’ve just gone on like they had before. He did for a few more minutes actually. Jesse biting his lip as he edged closer, slightly grinding against him. 

Maybe the friction was finally getting to Jesse because when they separated for air he stuttered and blushed, “We don’t...we don’t have to wait. I know I want you, Six.”

Jesse made the haze in his mind go away no matter what he did, but Six yearned to try at least this once. Besides, he thought the dazed and disheveled look was cute on Jesse.

“And I want you too,” Six nuzzled his cheeks against Jesse’s.

“I...um...how do we do this?”

Kix laughed, “Just get inside me, silly.” It couldn’t be that hard of a thing to do if people did it all the time. 

Jesse looked unsure before reaching to the side of his pod, Six still settled on his lap, and shoving his hand through a big-enough hole in the way for his hand to pass through. Six knew he hid contraband (food and clothes) in the wall, but he definitely wasn’t expecting the small bottle that Jesse pulled out. 

“What’s that?” Six recognized what it was, but he was stunned over how Jesse got it.

Jesse turned a soft red, shifting his gaze away from Six’s as the color deepened, “It’s lube. One of the CC trainers gave it to me. He said I might need it in the future.”

“Natborns don’t just do that,” Six raised a brow. There was definitely more to the story, and he prayed it had nothing to do with some weird trainer touching his boyfriend. 

“I accidentally walked in on him fucking a CC in a storage closet.”

“Holy shit. Who was it?” and he didn’t know if he was more intrigued by the identity of the CC or trainer.

So the trainer was touching _someone_ , just not his boyfriend. Six was still worried over it being consensual of course. They were legally adults on Kamino and according to Mandalorian culture, but that didn’t mean he didn’t find it a little off when a trainer and cadet formed a relationship. He didn’t like the power imbalance.

“I think it was an instructor named Dima?” Jesse tilted his head as he reflected, “That’s what the vod was moaning, but they seemed like they were having fun. I wouldn't have taken the bribe if I thought there was trouble.”

“Keep the gossip to yourself then. Don’t want this vod to get in trouble.” If the Kaminoans were to find out about any relationship, the trainer would be fired and the vod would be killed. One of those was definitely preferable to the other. 

Six watched with intrigue as Jesse twisted off the cap and stuck two fingers in, one after the other. It looked like it felt weird, his fingers sticky and slick, and Jesse looked at Six as if he had more than a few questions in mind.

“You probably should’ve taken off your clothes first,” Six giggled before reaching his hands under Jesse’s shirt, running his hands along his chest, “Don’t worry. I can help.”

Neither knew if they were supposed to be completely naked or not, but there was no reason not to be. They two of them chuckled, though his boyfriend attempted to hide it, at how hard Jesse tried to avoid letting his lubed-up hand touch the cloth of his shirt.

Jesse had been completely naked in front of him before, but this time was very different from the others. He couldn’t help from appreciating the view unlike prior occasions where he had attempted to look no further than Jesse’s navel. It was about privacy, yet now Jesse was inviting him to stare and ogle. 

He could feel Jesse’s eyes on him too and, as he laid back on the bunk, he spread his legs as an invitation to get closer and look more. Six didn’t know if he was supposed to be on his back, front, or knees, but he was more bewildered by how Jesse was supposed to fit in him. It didn’t seem realistic. 

The Kaminoan Sex Education course had not prepared him for this. 

Jesse was just as apprehensive and uncertain as him, asking questions the entire time and making sure he wasn’t hurting Six. It was sweet and made some of the hurt worth it. 

The pain was far better than the pain of training or of the spice, despite walking being a tad awkward the morning after. 

There was a cacophony of noise with him letting out light gasps and moans that Jesse couldn’t help but echo. It was beautiful hearing the low groan Jesse let out as he released inside of him. 

Jesse sort of rested on top of him, a sticky substance running down his legs as Jesse came out. There was a glisten of sweat on his boyfriend’s face as he peeked up at him. Force, he loved him. 

“Not too bad. I think you could do better,” Six teased, nipping his ear. 

Jesse huffed but his eyes held joy, “Shut up. I’m the best you’ve ever had.” His faked anger couldn’t mask anything for much longer as Six brought him down into a keldabe. Both of them laughing and gasping into kisses as they molded together much like before.

They halted upon hearing a thumping above their heads from the pod on top of them.

“Some people are trying to sleep,” Hedy complained through the ceiling, her disappointment and exasperation clear. 

“Sorry, Hedy,” they said in unison, blushing at the realization they had been loud enough for the sound to go through the walls of the pod. It wasn’t an impressive feat, but it was a numb reminder that everyone knew exactly what they were doing.

Hedy sighed, “Six, at this rate we’re going to have to call you Sex.” 

Unknowingly to both of them, Six had already set up the path to becoming Kix. There was no going back now, but, in that moment, all Six was worried about was being stuck with a terrible name.

“Please don’t.”

“Then let me sleep,” Hedy mumbled before adopting a more concerned tone, “Besides, you need to sleep off the high, Six. You’ll feel better when you do. I promise.”

He did feel better after sleeping against Jesse for the night, and the couple had agreed to sneak away when the showers were empty whenever they wanted “alone time”. It was a prime spot for many get-togethers and an easier cleanup too. 

But that first time...that was where he messed up.

It was why the ocean invited him to its depths. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am participating in Jessix Month of the Clone Haven server.

**Author's Note:**

> Ni ceta: sorry; groveling apology (lit. I kneel)


End file.
